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Moving Forward Without Fear

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Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005
11:30 pm - May 28 early morning
You know when you've done something utterly horrible and stupid and, no matter what, you will never be able to live it down. Well, I managed that yesterday, with flying colors, in fact. Poisoning yourself is bad. Poisoning yourself with the very poison you were making. Worse. But poisoning yourself with the poison you were making in a place no one will notice your absence. I would have to say that one makes it possibly one of the worse mistakes of my life. A life that might not have been here today if Neji-niisan hadn't found me.

It didn't help I was conscious for several hours, but unable to even call out for help. Ironically, the anti-toxin for the poison was right there in the room, if I would have noticed it a few minutes earlier I could have taken it and nothing bad would have occurred. Well, Neji-niisan always did scold me for forgetting myself when I work.

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But I have decided. I will not continue to be forgotten.

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Thursday, July 21st, 2005
3:30 pm - Random Musings May 26
I was working in my garden earlier this morning. The clouds were few in the sky, yet somehow between the random wisps of clouds and the trees that surrounded me no matter what part of my garden I worked on I remained in the shade. I was constantly in the shadow of something as I worked.

I suppose I should have been glad to have the cooler shade to remain in, but when I realized it, I got to thinking. I will never be able to be in the sun. In everthing I do, or try to do, I am always in someone's shadow. In the clan there are two shadows I seem to fall into step with, where ever I go I am in one of them. When I leave the compound, though, I still am not out of one and the other is just replaced by someone else.

They stand around me, protecting me from the sun, from everyone's sight. But, you know, if you stay too long in the shadows it becomes very cold. And I can't help but wonder what the sun feels like.

current mood: contemplative

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Monday, July 4th, 2005
7:35 pm - May 22
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Sunday, July 3rd, 2005
12:26 am - May 22 (Day 21) *early morning*
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current mood: Unsure and Worried

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Tuesday, June 14th, 2005
1:18 am - Day 20
((OOC: I live! Got permission from Tsunade-mod that Day 20 would be team Gai's return to Konoha so we can RP with everyone.))

::sigh:: I am finally back to Konoha and it feels wonderful. Not that Gai-sensei is a bad person in anyway, but sometimes he is too...exerberant for me. I sometimes wonder how Neji-niisan with stood his...youthful spirit.

My garden has suffered slightly from my long absense. It has been a long time since I was gone like that, and I hadn't thought to arrange someone to tend to it. My mistake. It will take a few days work to get it back to normal. I would not want to lose it, though. My medicines come from the herbs in my garden and if I don't maintain it I would have to buy them. Not that that is bad, but somehow I feel much better when I know that I tended to the plants. I suppose it just makes me prouder of my medicines.

But here I have gone and rambled on about nothing really. I hope to see Neji-niisan soon and find out what has been going on while I was gone.

current mood: fairly well

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Tuesday, May 31st, 2005
12:20 am - Day 9
Gai-sensei said I am supposed to keep some kind of Mission Log, but nothing important has really happened yet. For which I am glad. As much as I want to help everyone and contribute to the mission, to use my skills means someone would have to get hurt. Considering that, I think I would rather remain in the shadows.

But I am used to the shadows. People over-rate being in the lime-light. Because it can hurt if it gets too bright, and then the shadows can come and ease the pain. So, really, the shadows is the best place for me to be. And when the light is too bright for everyone else, I can come and help.

Or maybe I just think too much. I just hope no one gets too hurt on this mission.

current mood: contemplative

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